In the first chapter of my book, Life of Kai, a memoir of awakening, I tell the story of the death of my mother in a boating accident while I, as a thirteen-year-old girl, waited on the shore for her return.
Reflecting on that event sixty-four years ago, I see it as a turning point in my life. With my mother’s death, my life was shattered. I had been thrown out of the box of the normal and had to find my way, not knowing where I was going.
In this excerpt from my book below, I describe the unexpected gifts of that cataclysmic event. In my life journey, I have discovered that my most significant learnings have come from some of the most challenging experiences. These were the times I had to turn inward to find strength I didn’t know I had. These were times when I had to find answers to questions I didn’t know I had. These were times when I needed to find gratitude when I felt empty and lost. These were times that brought me onto my spiritual path, which has guided and sustained me.
My mother’s death, a devastating catastrophe in my young life, offered a crucial yet demanding gift. The shattering of my home life banished me from the normal expectations of what life would offer. No longer trusting the safety of my family and church, I felt compelled to explore outside the limitations of accepted cultural patterns. Finding my own way as a mother-less daughter thrust me headlong into my spiritual journey, a journey into the darkness that birthed my deepest self.
I wouldn’t have had words to describe my spiritual journey when I was thirteen, but circumstances had thrown me into the journey of the mystic. Mysticism comes not from faith in a system of beliefs but from direct experience of the oneness of all things. My mystic path has been a lifelong journey, a calling, and a commitment requiring the willingness to die to the old and awaken to the new. My life, an ever-continuing process of letting go and being born again, has taken me into the Dark Night of the Soul and the ecstasy of union, and I am eternally grateful for all that brought me to the path.
If you would like to know more about how my story unfolds and the lessons of life, love, adventures on the road, the experience of shamanic medicines, the death of my beloved, grief, and rebirth, you can order my book from my website kaicaroljud.com, from Amazon.com, or from your local bookstore.