The directive was to lie down, put my ear to the ground, and listen. It was dark outside, and I lay with my ear connected to the earth. I took my time to find a place to relax into listening.
The first thing I heard was the howling wind, almost shaking the house. It reminded me of Chris. It felt like a message. I followed my breath and was taken to the One. I was shown that we are all the One, with its energy flowing through us, each in our own unique way. The same energy flows through each of us, but that energy provides a unique perspective in each of us. Each one of us is the One. There is only one energy, but every view must be represented to express the All. That means that the good and the bad, the moral and the immoral, the right and the wrong, the dark and the light must all be included. Everything has to have its time and space because everything is part of everything.
Suddenly, there was no judgment. I saw everything as an expression of all perspectives. My job was then simple. It is to express Kai in the most essential way possible. That means giving love in a Kai way, rejecting love in a Kai way, being creative in the Kai way, and stagnating in a Kai way. It means serving in the way I serve and receiving in the way I receive. There is no way to do it wrong because the world needs everything that I can imagine, dream, and express. No one else can carry the Kai perspective.
The permission of this calling made my head spin. There was no limitation, yet the way Kai is small and contracted was equally important as how Kai is grand and expansive. Every expression is precious — the greed, the narcissism, the love and the revenge, the gratitude, the joy, and the wonder. It is all part of the grand kaleidoscope of the One and of me.
I was filled with gratitude, awe, and wonder. I felt the blessing of being part of this wild, wild ride. How strange to look at this lifetime without judgment, with only gratitude and celebration, not just of myself but of every other player in this grand play.
I could see all of my roles. I have been the betrayer and the betrayed, the giver and the receiver, the Lover and the Beloved, the exile and the killer. There is nothing outside of me that I can judge because I have been all of it.
My head started spinning, and I felt overwhelmed by the awesome breadth and depth of what I saw. A chant that I had written music for many years ago came into my thoughts.
Be still, my soul.
Be still my soul and know.
Be still my soul and know that I am.
Be still my soul and know that I am Goddess/God.
The chant repeated over and over. There was a settling in my mind. It’s okay. This is the game that we are privileged to play. This is a game that is far beyond our understanding. We get to forget that we are God, and we are allowed to discover a reality that is constantly being re-visioned, continually being stretched, expanded, and remembered. In our forgetting, we remember in constantly changing new ways. We are God evolving into something beyond what God could have ever imagined. We are the front line, sacrificing ourselves in the service of the expansion of all that is. We are the edge that is constantly stretching out into unknown worlds. We are God creating God.