Hello dear Beloveds,
Below you will find the link to the beautiful video that Erik Johnson created to honor Chris at The Celebration of Life. It is a beautiful expression of the many facets that Chris carried in his life. It is only four minutes long and I hope that you will watch it and feel Chris’s presence flood into your being. May it make you smile and feel gratitude that Chris was with us for as long as he was.
The link for the video is here.
I am continuing to explore the new territory opened to me when Chris left his body. I am finding him wherever I look — butterflies dancing in front of me, the wind moving in the grasses and trees, sunsets and the silvery moon, the earth grails that Chris made and which inhabit the cottage, photographs, ritual objects, conversations with his kids and his Beloveds and an infinite number of other surprising and not so surprising places. Sometimes these meetings with him in his formless state make me cry, sometimes I am filled with so much love and gratitude that I am overflowing with feelings of grace and abundance. Sometimes he is so close to me that I can hardly think about missing him and other times I long for just one small opportunity for a simple word or two. And at other times, I just want him back in the way that he used to be. It is then that I realize that there could be no such thing. He and I were always changing, as is everything in this kaleidoscopic world of ours. There never was a solid form of Chris that he could return to. Which one of the infinite forms he embodied would I choose for him to come back in?
This radical change in his form is simply a continuation of a process that was always going on but often just out of our awareness. Now, for him to be alive in me, I must be present to the new and ongoing, rather than that which is no longer real. This is hard for my brain to encompass but my heart longs for the aliveness of the present and that is my current challenge.
Not surprisingly, I have been thrown into the mysteries of who Chris was and is, who I am and what this thing we call the Soul’s journey is all about. Mostly, I just make up stories which keeps me entertained and gives me at least a flimsy sense of stability in this wild ride we call embodiment.
Nevertheless, the basic cairns or guide- posts that Chris and I followed in our journeys remain to support me. These cairns continue to be gratitude, the remembrance that there is no separation — no matter how things look, the perfection of all things — no matter how challenging, more gratitude and then a little more gratitude. It is these basic principles that have kept me in a state of grace during this time, along with the love and support of you, my Beloveds.
And so I thank you for living and breathing and for sharing your beautiful and unique gifts with me and with all of us. We may not know where we are going or how we are going to get there but we all know that we will be accompanied and surrounded by love.
With love and gratitude to you,
Kai